Bone Broth & Bad Decisions: A Recipe for the Reluctantly Healing Baddie

Let’s get one thing straight: I didn’t wake up one day and say, “You know what I need in my life? A cauldron of bovine skeleton water.” No, I stumbled into bone broth like I’ve stumbled into most good things in life—after a week of zero sleep, running on caffeine and rage, Googling “how to not die from internal rot.”

Bone broth is that bougie auntie who smudges her house with sage, judges your boxed wine, but does know how to fix your gut flora. It’s healing. It’s primal. And it’s also a little gross. But if you’ve ever cleaned out your fridge after a depressive episode, you can handle simmering some beef bones for 12 hours.

So, here we go.

💀 Beef Bone Broth for the Spiritually Unhinged 💀

You’ll Need:

• 3–4 lbs beef bones (knuckle bones, marrow bones, oxtail if you're nasty)

• 1 onion, quartered, unpeeled

• 1 head of garlic, halved, don’t be shy

• 2 carrots, chopped

• 2 stalks celery, snapped like your patience

• 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar (because we’re breaking things down—emotionally and literally)

• Bay leaves, peppercorns, and a healthy dash of salt

• Optional extras: ginger, thyme, rosemary, or any herbs that haven’t shrivelled into dust in your crisper

🔥 Directions (Because Structure is Sexy)

1. Roast the Bones: Toss your bones on a baking sheet and roast at 425°F for 30–40 minutes. You want that deep, caramelized, “I’ve been through some things” look.

2. Dump & Fill: Throw those roasted bones into your biggest pot (or slow cooker if you’re playing adult). Add the rest of the gang: veggies, vinegar, and seasonings.

3. Top with water until everything’s covered, then bring to a boil. Skim the scum. (You’ll know it when you see it.)

4. Simmer down, baby: Let that brew do its thing for at least 12 hours. 24 if you’re committed. Let it whisper sweet nothings to your overworked nervous system.

5. Strain & Store: Once it’s cooled down (like your anxiety never does), strain it, jar it, and refrigerate. It’ll thicken into a jiggly meat jelly—the collagen is collagén-ing.

6. 
   

☠️ Real Talk

Bone broth is basically kitchen witchcraft. It heals your gut, boosts your skin, warms your cold dead soul, and makes you feel like you’re doing something right—even when everything else is chaos.

Sip it in the morning instead of coffee when you're pretending to cleanse. Use it as the base for a stew while rage-cleaning your kitchen. Or just pour it into a mug, stare out the window, and whisper, “This is my personality now.”

It’s ancestral. It’s alchemical. It’s survival with seasoning.

Stay unhinged, hydrated, and slightly feral.

Until next recipe—

🖤

~smy